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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473009">The Sister Smile</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoowriterfic/pseuds/spoowriterfic'>spoowriterfic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:21:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,549</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoowriterfic/pseuds/spoowriterfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set the morning after the mid-season finale, Nicole and Wynonna spend a few moments debriefing with each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp &amp; Nicole Haught</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>WayHaught Family Feels</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Sister Smile</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Look, I adore Nicole and Waverly's relationship. I do.</p>
<p>But a *VERY* close second for me is Wynonna and Nicole and my goodness was there a lot of goodness there in the first half of season 4.</p>
<p>This is the best friends version of PWP, by the way. Nothing much *happens* besides a conversation and two confessions, but I love these two and their friendship and needed to give them this moment.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="Story">Nicole was pretty sure that the barn hadn’t always been so far away.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Never mind that she now knew every inch of land the Homestead sat on down to each blade of grass, each gopher hole, and each bit of dirt. Somehow, the barn had moved. There was no other explanation.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Sure, Jeremy had warned her that it would probably take a couple of weeks to feel fully herself, and, sure, she hadn’t actually gotten any sleep…but surely he hadn’t meant having to stop to lean against the wall of the barn because her legs were threatening to give out underneath her. It was a little shocking – and she was glad she hadn’t woken Waverly after all before going in search of Wynonna because she would have panicked at the sight. She’d flinched every time she saw Nicole shiver all night, and she’d only finally drifted off to sleep with her ear pressed firmly over Nicole’s heart.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole, on the other hand, hadn’t slept at all; it had been hard to sleep anyway ever since Waverly had come back because she was half worried that she was dreaming and if she fell asleep she’d wake up to an empty bed and the trap alarms going off in the kitchen.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">But last night, it hadn’t been fear that kept her awake but joy.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She had just wanted to take it all in.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Feel of Waverly in her arms, where there’d been nothing but cold emptiness for so, <em>so</em> long.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Waverly’s forgiveness.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Her love. Her devotion.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Her <em>proposal</em>.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Saying <em>yes</em>.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">And, sure, it probably wasn’t – strictly speaking – a great idea to eschew sleep after being half frozen and mostly dead all day…but she was not about to let a single second of that night slip past unremembered.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Somewhere out in the fields, an animal cracked a twig, and she jumped with a heart-stopping gasp.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Damn.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She reminded herself – <em>again </em>– that while there surely were still some monsters out there, with Nedley de-puffballed, they seemed to have no-more-than-usual interest in the Homestead at all.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">But eighteen months of habit died very, very hard.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Still, she wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and she took advantage of the surge of adrenaline to push away from the wall and creep into the barn. She was pretty sure Wynonna was probably already awake but just in case, she didn’t want to risk waking her.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Well, until she collapsed, she acknowledged with a roll of her eyes, feeling her legs begin to shake again.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Fortunately for her dignity, Wynonna was definitely awake. Quiet and a little haunted, with eyes puffy from either a long night or from crying – or both – but awake. She frowned at Nicole. “What…?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole held up the bottle she’d stashed in the pocket of her jacket. “My turn for the apology beer…uh, whiskey,” she said, gesturing with her chin towards the cut on Wynonna’s arm. “Sorry I puked frogs on your boots. And, you know, the stabbing.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">With a wry scoff, Wynonna waved off the apology while still reaching out for the whiskey. “Least of my worries. And it was more a slashing.” She frowned, apparently catching the shaking in Nicole’s legs. “Siddown before you fall down,” she said. “You okay?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Jeremy said it’d take a while to….” She shrugged.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Speaking of which, what the <em>hell</em>, Nicole? Do you know what it would have done to Waverly if you’d….” She looked away, and Nicole’s heart lurched at the fear she saw in Wynonna’s eyes – fear that was only partly for Waverly’s sake. “I’d have killed you if you died, you know?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I – ” Nicole’s voice failed her as she shivered violently, her teeth chattering together. “S-sorry,” she said, pulling her jacket tighter around herself. “Guess coming out in the snow at dawn wasn’t a great idea either.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Wynonna scooted closer to Nicole and wrapped her in the blanket from the bed. “Here. Waves’ll kill me if you get pneumonia now.” She chafed Nicole’s arms until the shivering abated and Nicole sighed with a small, grateful smile. “And so now we get back to ‘what the <em>hell</em>, Nicole?’”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“What else was I supposed to do?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe don’t drown yourself!”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“And, what, Wynonna?” Nicole shot back. “Keep trying to kill you? Burn down the Homestead? You were there! She wasn’t breathing! She could’ve <em>died</em>! I almost — ” She cut herself off, a wave of genuine nausea rising. She saw Wynonna’s alarm out of the corner of her eye and shook her head. “No frogs. Just…I don’t think I….” She exhaled slowly. “I didn’t let myself even <em>think</em> that.” She leaned forward and put her head in her hands as the sense of failure almost choked her. “I almost <em>killed</em> her.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Bullshit.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Wynonna – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Bull. Shit. That wasn’t you. I don’t blame you. She doesn’t blame you. You shouldn’t blame you either.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole shook her head. “But if I hadn’t…given up…if I hadn’t gone to the Swamp Witch…. Wynonna, the only reason she had <em>any</em> power over me is that I lost faith.” She looked away, steeling herself, and said almost in a whisper, “I don’t get how <em>either</em> of you can forgive me for that.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Yeah, because none of us around here know anything about doing something desperate for the sake of the people we love,” she said. “How long?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“What?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Until you gave up. How long?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole frowned. “Eighteen months, one week, and six days.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She didn’t expect Wynonna’s reaction at all – her jaw dropped and then she let out one short bark of laughter. “You ridiculous ginger,” she said, shaking her head in frustrated despair. “You made it over a year and a half and you’re acting like you went out and hooked up with a stranger a week in.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I shouldn’t have – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“So you screwed up.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I don’t think you realize how <em>bad</em> I screwed up.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Wynonna eyed her. “Did you erase me from existence?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Well, no.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Did you kill someone?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“No.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“How bad can it be?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole sighed. “I….”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Nicole. Just say it.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Wynonna, I was <em>desperate</em> but it doesn’t make I did…right.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Didn’t say it did, but aren’t you the one who said screwing up was Standard Earp Operating Procedure?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Yeah, but I’m not – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“You will be soon enough,” Wynonna said, cutting her off.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole suddenly had to blink tears out of her eyes. “Oh,” was all she could say.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She was going to be their <em>family</em>.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">An Earp.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Hell, if she wanted to, all it would take would be a couple of forms and she could be a <em>literal</em> Earp.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Wynonna raised an eyebrow at her, daring her to refute that, and she didn’t.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Glad you two finally got your shit together. Waves was starting to worry.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Yeah, I know.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She’d hated – <em>hated</em> – seeing the worry in Waverly’s eyes. The fear. The whirling doubts, echoes of old insecurities, that she’d tried valiantly to put off. She’d been so patient, so understanding, but she couldn’t quite hide the way the light in her eyes dimmed before she came up with an excuse <em>for</em> Nicole – that barfing frogs was why she was stalling, and not because she was deathly, completely terrified of facing that moment when the love in Waverly’s eyes would turn to hate and disgust or, worse, betrayal.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story"><em>As long as you want me, I will be by your side</em>.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She’d felt like such a coward, but she just couldn’t face the idea that there would be a moment when Waverly <em>wouldn’t</em> want her.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Nicole, you’ve gotta know…there’s <em>nothing</em> you could have done that would make her not want to marry you.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Even now, she couldn’t quite believe that was true.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She shrugged. “I mean, at first, I didn’t even remember <em>what</em> I did. I know know if the Swamp Witch blocked it out or if I did or if I just…didn’t want to. I just knew I screwed up. Bad.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“You do realize you’re still avoiding saying it, right?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole tilted her head to stare at Wynonna disbelievingly. “Those were <em>not</em> all happy tears last night. I’ll tell you if you tell me.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Some of ‘em were. Happy tears.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“What happened, Wynonna?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I screwed up.” She sighed. “Except I’m not sure if I really screwed up or if I just had to do a screwed up thing because I’m a goddamn Earp and we never get to make the easy choices.” She turned and eyed Nicole. “What did <em>you</em>do?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole shrugged. “I wish I could say it was something I thought I could promise and then when we were all back together, we could fix it. But honestly? I’d have given anything to get her back.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Well, duh,” Wynonna said. “You almost shot <em>me</em> for her.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“What’re you saying?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I’m saying,” Wynonna said with a shake of her head, “that it’s ridiculous that you’re acting like any of us would be surprised that you’d bargain away the moon for her. This isn’t new information, Nicole.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole frowned. “Huh.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Look. If the whole thing with Rosita yesterday taught me anything, it’s that desperate people make desperate choices. You were desperate. And for what it’s worth, I doubt I’d have lasted as long as you did.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole smiled, just a little, and leaned against her warmth. “Can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I missed you <em>almost</em> as much as I missed Waverly,” she admitted.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Wynonna apparently couldn’t muster any kind of a sarcastic response and instead sat there with a small, shy, pleased little smile, pressing herself into Nicole’s side only to pull back and wrap the blanket tighter around her when she shivered again.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">It took a few moments for Nicole to process everything Wynonna had said but when she did, she froze and turned, frowning at Wynonna in confusion. “Wait. Rosita?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“She was the lady in the painting.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“The…paint…oh. The Steve Gulch painting.” Nicole glanced to the side and found Wynonna fidgeting with the still-closed bottle of whiskey in her hands. “Is she…I thought all the Revenants…?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“She’s stuck in the sanctuary with a bunch of Revenant nuns who tried to make us fight to the death until I killed Medea.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Medea.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Yeah,” Wynonna said.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Like…Greek mythology Medea?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“You know of another one?” Wynonna countered with a roll of her eyes. “So killing Medea freed them from the whole bloodlust thing but they’re still stuck in the sanctuary.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“…the…bloodlust…thing?” Wynonna shrugged and Nicole sat there, blinking in confusion at her for a few moments before she ventured, “Are you…are we gonna…rescue them, or…?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">At that, Wynonna grinned mischievously. “Nah, they’re…okay. They’re <em>very</em> fine with being stuck in the sanctuary together. Trust me.” A moment passed, and when Wynonna saw Nicole’s continued confusion, she added, “Let’s just say bloodlust wasn’t the only kinda lust goin’ on in that place when I left.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“…oh. Huh.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">They sat there in silence for a long while, passing the whiskey bottle back and forth as they both battled their own inner demons.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Finally, Nicole said, “So what happened, Wynonna? ‘Cause those really weren’t happy tears.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“What didn’t.” Wynonna eyed her. “And don’t you get on me for not saying it. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you<em>still </em>haven’t.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole looked down at the dirt and hay beneath their feet. She swallowed hard. She was never quite sure what exactly Doc and Wynonna were to each other, but there was no denying the place he had in her friend’s life. “Waverly might have forgiven me. I’m not sure you will.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Yeah, well, same here.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Wynonna – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I shot Holt,” Wynonna blurted out. “They – it was them when…they tried to <em>buy </em>Alice from Rosita. And this thing with the Clantons…it was never gonna end. We got you free, but they’d have just kept coming. They <em>always</em> keep coming. And he – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“He was a jackass,” Nicole said, “who ran Purgatory like a dystopian dictatorship and hanged people in the street. Not gonna say I’m sorry he’s gone. I guess Sheriff-Me should be but…Crazy Ginger Bitch me…isn’t, really. Are you…I mean, he didn’t hurt you…?”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Wynonna exhaled shakily. “He was walking away. I shot him in the back.” She tried to look towards Nicole, but flinched and looked away before they made eye contact. “I know…you’re Miss Law and Order and you’re probably – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I traded Doc,” Nicole said. “For Waverly. And…you. I don’t know what she wanted with him. I was just supposed to bring him to her if you made it back. So the other night, I went to her and told her I wouldn’t, ‘cause you all made it back on your own…and next thing I know, I’m waking up and the house is on fire.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She and Wynonna locked eyes for a long moment, and then said at the same time, “It’s okay.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Wynonna, it’s not. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish I could say I thought we could get him free once you were back but honestly I’d have given her anything.” She shrugged. “I…I…I broke. And I’ll regret that forever.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I think you did save us,” Wynonna said. “We were – I got Waves off that damn throne and we were trying to go and none of the doors would open. And then one started glowing.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole didn’t quite know how to feel about that. The guilt was still suffocating, but the thought that maybe it <em>hadn’t</em> been for nothing…. It helped.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">A little.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“It’s okay, Nicole,” Wynonna assured her. “You didn’t promise anything permanent. And whether you consciously thought about it or not, I’m betting part of you agreed because you figured we <em>could</em> fix whatever she was gonna do to Doc.” Wynonna shrugged. “It’s not like you promised to kill him.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I might have,” Nicole whispered, finally admitting the worst of it. “I would have. I mean…I know it’s probably not healthy but…it’s more than loving her, Wynonna. I <em>need</em> her. I think I’d die if – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“She’s said the same thing, you know?” Wynonna said. “A couple times. And I believe her. Maybe it’s just what fairytale love is really about, you know?” She tossed the now-empty bottle of whiskey across the barn. “At least you didn’t shoot a probably non-supernatural person in the back after he offered a truce.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Wynonna – ”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“I’ve been fighting monsters for so long…I’m starting to see them everywhere.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">She didn’t <em>say</em> ‘including in the mirror,’ but Nicole heard it anyway, and shrugged out of her blanket to wrap an arm around Wynonna’s shoulders. “I can’t tell you it was the morally right decision any more than you can tell me I had any right to trade another person’s life for Waverly’s. But I can tell you I’ve got your back, Wynonna.”</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">It took a moment, then Wynonna smiled a small, quiet, sincere smile – one without any of the walls she put up between herself and the rest of the world.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">Nicole recognized it instantly and instinctively smiled back, touched. “That’s your Waverly smile,” she said.</p>
<p class="Story"> </p>
<p class="Story">“Nah,” Wynonna said, reaching a hand out to help Nicole up. She waited until Nicole’s legs stopped shaking before starting to walk towards the house, Nicole behind her. “It’s my sister smile.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ever since we started to learn more about Nicole's past -- trauma at a young age, neglectful parents, an apparently rebellious period where she smoked behind the church -- it's struck me how *alike* she and Wynonna are. They're both protectors. And, yes, Wynonna meandered a bit on her way there while Nicole apparently went straight into law enforcement, but at their core, they're very similar people.</p>
<p>What I hope came across here is that neither of them could admit to each other what they did because they were both terrified the other would never forgive them. Nicole because no matter what their issues are, she knows Doc is Alice's father and that because of that he plays a big role in Wynonna's life. And Wynonna because while she's still torn ("did I screw up or was I put into a screwed up situation where I had to make a hard choice"), she's scared Nicole's inner cop will freak out at the idea of what happened to Holt.</p>
<p>Honestly, this whole thing came as I was driving to work one morning and I saw in my mind's eye Wynonna helping Nicole up and saying, "it's my sister smile."</p>
<p>BTW, twice in this, I almost had Wynonna (lovingly) call Nicole an idiot, but that word has a very ableist history and while it would be totally in-character (Wynona of course calls her whole crew 'idiots' as they de-Bigfoot Nedley), I had to give her other words instead. (I'll get off my soapbox now, but I couldn't be the sibling of someone with intellectual disabilities or a teacher of disabled kids without taking a moment to acknowledge that. And, yes, I mixed Person First and Identity First language here and I did that intentionally because that too is a Whole Thing and I try to honor the general consensus in each community.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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